A To Z challenge, blog, Writing

B – Blame believe

“No that wasn’t me!” cries Noah trying to explain herself over the phone. “What? Ha? Really now, we’re through anyway! Because you won’t believe me in whatever I say!” she cuts her call breaking down into her bed. It was the first time in a long time for her to have gotten into such a bad fight with someone. Now that she thought back it was her mistake she thought trying to hold back her tears gulping them down on her empty stomach. She remembers this feeling from when she was young, strangely enough that got back tears into her eyes. Just the way she used to before, rolling herself into a ball she attempts to fall asleep quietly crying in her empty yet full apartment.

Noah is a 25-year-old woman she’s someone who earns a living and does quite well for herself. She’s been self-reliant from the age of 20 and she hasn’t been happier since. She had always wanted to live on her own and not rely on anyone. And here she is again blaming herself for hurting another person in her life. Which she thought she would never do after she had become independent.

She remembers how she blamed herself for her parents’ state who always smiled in front of her but, never did they tell her that they were fighting behind her back almost to the point that they wanted to kill each other. She got to know of the same accidentally because she had gotten back from school late that day and had thought of staying back at her friends but, had changed her mind at the last moment. And had planned on going back to her house and surprise them. When she had gotten home Noah heard loud voices and sounds of things crashing.

She could tell by the voices itself that it was her parents, she wanted to go inside and stop them right away but, what had made her feet stop was her mothers words saying “Be glad Noah isn’t home now or else she would’ve seen how ugly and unloving her parents were towards each other.” Her father had begun to say something in return right away but, it didn’t matter she couldn’t believe her ears and she had run away as far as her legs could take in disbelief and heart-broken. She still remembers blaming herself the whole night and curling up into a ball and sleeping in a neighborhood park she had been playing in since she was young.

She wipes off her tears and gulps down her last few ones for the evening thinking to herself ah that wasn’t the only time was it. She rolls over trying to get out of her past memories but, things didn’t stop right then yet. Another memory of hers had popped up which had happened quite a few years after her parents’ event.

It was the winter of her first job that she had gotten after coming to the big city to make a living for herself. She had come out to a new place to start afresh with exciting things to do and an exciting job awaiting her every morning. Life was quite fulfilling for her. She’d work herself to the very bones to be able to stay in the job but, every late night for her was worth it as she was having fun doing the work she was given. She had by now made quite a few friends from her office and found that it was okay for her to loosen up a bit at times.

But, then it happened again she had been a bit late to her work that day. When Noah had finally gotten to her workplace she could hear her colleagues talking and was excited to join them in but she had suddenly hear her name. “Damn why does she have to be such a goodie two shoes all the time?” said one “I agree she keeps nosing around everyones’ works and also advises us when we have it wrong. Not once but, every single time!” said another.

Noah couldn’t help but turn away and walked herself back to her apartment. Called in sick for the day and in a months time she had quit working there. She rolled over for one last time trying to find comfort in the ball that had formed of her sheets. Snuggling into it and finally falling asleep into them after all those memories that had surfaced in her head.

She was awoken by a door bell. She didn’t know which time was the bell ringing until she had reached out and had finally managed to stand and stumble onto the door. Barely being able to see anything from the puffy eyes that had covered more than half of her vision. Managing to unlock the door leaving the leash on she saw him at her door. Shutting the door behind her shouting and asking “Why are you here? Didn’t you say we were through?Why?” her voice breaking down out of happiness and fright at the same time making her think of the time if this will happen again. He replies back saying “It was my fault. Am sorry can you please open the door? Noah? Please!” Clearing her face off of the happy tears and opened the door and asked him yet again “Why are you here?” he answered “Of course I’d come because, I love you!” She hugs him and thinks to herself maybe it’s okay not to blame herself for everything all the time.


 

The Random Segment:

So because the story for today is quite long, I’ll leave you with a song that I had been enjoying for quite a while now and kind of is like a calming melody for me now. Hope you enjoy it as well. And am sorry if you’re not into Korean!

See you with tomorrows letter.

-atr-

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