A To Z challenge, Poetry, Writing

H – Holding In

“It doesn’t actually hurt does it?” said Hannah’s mother when they went to get an injection done to her. Her mother had always told Hannah when something hurts think in your head saying”I am alright. Am okay.” And ever since then Hannah always held onto her mothers’ words. Even if it hurt her she never would show that she was hurt because she would tell herself she was okay and it would work.

Hannah was a shy girl since she was a kid. She never really got along with kids in her class not because she didn’t want to but, because they didn’t want to. She was a foreigner in the class after all. She was a kid who always had a smile on her despite what happened to her or around her. Even if she felt afraid or lonely she would tell herself “Am alright. Am okay” and that would brighten her up.

One day, she was by herself having her lunch and a girl comes to her bench and stands there. Hannah sees that it’s one of the most popular girls in her class, Clair. She asks her what she needed. Clair replies “Hannah, do you want to be friends?” Hannah looks at her surprised, it’s been  over 10 years since she has been attending school and Clair was the first person to come talk to her. Hannah replies “Yes!” not knowing what else to reply.

Clair grabbed the chair in front of Hannah’s seat and sat adjacent to her. Clair sits there in silence for a minute in awkwardness. Hannah finally offers her lunch to Clair. Clair picks a piece of her sandwich and asks Hannah ” Why do you never talk to anyone in class, do you see us as bad people or something?” Clair was new to their class she joined them in their 8th grade they are in their 9th grade now. Hannah knew that Clair did not know what happened to her when she was young.

Hannah did try to make friends when she was young. But, every time she tried they would leave her before she could even talk to them when she approached them. Clair seemed like a good person to Hannah despite all that others told her she came and sat beside her and wanted to be her friend. Hannah finally replied to her saying “No, it’s nothing like that.” Clair saw the change in Hannah’s expression and changed the topic to something lighter she asked her “I see you reading books all the time. What genre do you read.”

Hannah gets the book that she’s been reading and gives it to Clair. She reads it for a bit and says “Wow, that’s pretty cool. Can you give it to me after you’re done?” They continue on with the conversation about books and other things like music until the end of their lunch. Clair finally gets up to leave and says “Hannah, you’re a cool person. Let’s hang out more.”

That was a first for Hannah in the midst of those glaring eyes that never accepted her, she now had a person who appreciates her for being herself. Hannah didn’t really understand Clair’s motive as she was very popular and she was far for being short of friends to have fun with. But, Clair’s attitude towards her and her behavior towards Hannah made her realize that she was sincerely trying to be a friend to Hannah. Clair and Hannah became close friends in a very short time.

They would hang out together at school and after school too. It was the month of December and there was a concert that Clair was very interested in going to. She asked Hannah if she could come out on Christmas eve for her to go the concert. Hannah accepted her invitation.

That was going to be Hannah’s first concert ever and she was very excited about it. December 28th was also Clair’s birthday. Their school was off so they could only communicate via the internet because Hannah didn’t have a phone of her own. Clair did insist on her getting a phone but, Hannah said it was a waste for her as she never saw the need to own one where the only places she usually goes out of her house is to school or to the store nearby their house.

Hannah had made all the preparations she needed for Clair’s birthday so she could give it to her on 24th itself because Clair was going to go on a family holiday from 26th. It was 23rd of December and Hannah had sent a message to Clair asking her at which gate she needed to meet Clair. Clair replied asking her to be at Gate 3 by 1:00 PM and not to be late as the concert started at 1:30 PM.

Hannah reached the place by 12:50 and she was 10 minutes early. She saw Clair was talking to other friends of hers a few were from her school too. She walks towards them and she hears them laugh. Clair was laughing too she said “Hannah is such a handful if it wasn’t for our school magazine I wouldn’t even talk to someone like her..” Hannah heard that crystal clear she dropped what she was holding on to making a huge sound.

Everyone in the area turned around to see what had happened because it was a huge sound. Clair and her group of friends also turned around. Clair saw Hannah and ran to her she said “Hannah, hey don’t mis-understand you weren’t there from the beginning of the conversation right. Hannah?” Hannah turned around and ran away she didn’t know what to do. She stopped and told herself “Am alright. Am okay.” She repeated it out loud too.

But, somehow it didn’t work this time for her. She fell to the ground and let out all the tears that she was holding in. She got home in the evening as if nothing had happened. She didn’t want her mom to worry about Hannah. She held it in till she went back into her room and she broke down right away. She remembered all the times she had with Clair and that hurt her even more. And her words from that morning kept replaying in Hannah’s head.

She didn’t check her messages nor did she go out of her house. Hannah spent her whole holiday inside her house. Then came January 10th, the day when she needed to go to school again. She didn’t want to go to school. But, Hannah didn’t want to trouble her mom either so she left for school. But, she never went to school. Hannah had a place she would go to when she had a heavy heart and when she needed to let out things that she’s been holding in.

It was a park about 2 miles away from their school. She walked into the park and because it was a time where people would be busy doing their daily duties attend school, go to work, etc. there was barely anyone in the park. She saw that and felt even glad as she could have the park to herself at least. She walked into the park to sit in her favorite spot where she could have a view of everything in the park.

She sat there enjoying the view and trying to let go off her thoughts and feelings. Suddenly, she heard a rustle behind her before she could react to it she was blindfolded and her hands were held down very tightly. She screamed “Who are you what do you want?” a familiar voice replied to her “Hannah it’s me, Clair.” Hannah asked her to let her go and untie her blindfolds. Clair agreed to do that only if Hannah would listen to her explanation. Hannah was stubborn but, in the end she agreed to her and Clair let her go untying her blindfolds.

Hannah sat there sobbing and asked her now what did she want. Clair said “Hannah what I said at the concert was true but it was only part of the truth. Yes at first I did get to know you because I was forced into doing it. But, after I got to know you I liked you as a person. You seemed to me like a younger sister that needed to be protected. You were not like any of those other people who got insecure because I was friends with others too. After I got to know you it felt like I now finally have a real friend with me. You wouldn’t believe it but, I’ve never felt as happy as I did after I saw the gift you made for me. That was a gift that is the best among all those that I’ve received in years. Thank you Hannah. And I really hope we could get back to being friends despite what I’ve done to you.” Clair told this to Hannah not even looking at her and in a voice which was clearly trembling not out of fear but, with teary eyes.

Hannah turned to Clair and asked her “There’s no more secrets among us is there?”. With tears in her eyes Clair looked at her and said “No! Do you forgive me?” she asked. Hannah replied to her with tears in her eyes but with a smile “I don’t really have an option do I after all I don’t want a bad memory of my first fight ever.” Clair hugged her laughing. They both sat there for the whole day talking about their childhood and this time having nothing to hide with each other.

And the gift that Hannah gave Clair was a scrap book filled with pictures of Clair and Hannah that they took in Clair’s phone every time they went out. Hannah also had a copy of those photos in her PC. And the cover of it said “Happy Birthday to my first and best friend”. All the pages said my first time and a story added to the picture.

Hannah now knew that she didn’t need to hold her thoughts in and she could always rely on Clair to let them out and talk about.


Ah that was long. I hope you enjoyed the read. Thank you for reading this one is way too long I feel. But, yet again a different one. People say that girls don’t really get along or their friendship isn’t that strong enough as the guy bonding. But, I don’t see it that way. Anyway enough of my rambling. Please leave a comment about the story and a like if you liked it.

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2 thoughts on “H – Holding In”

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